The Humiliation of Ron Weasley
by InfiniteWriters
Summary: A series of short stories written by different authors about, as the title says, Ron Weasley being humiliated in several unusual situations. :)
1. The Chess Game

The Humiliation of Ron Weasley – Part 1 – The Chess Game 

by Sparrow AKA HobbitatHeart

Disclaimer: None of the writers on this account are J.K. Rowling...thus, we don't own Harry Potter...or Ron. 

Ron Weasley sat arrogantly back in his chair, very nearly falling off (but maintaining balance for the simple reason that his humiliation shall come later in our tale), and boasted at the top of his voice, "Come one, come all, to challenge the fantastic..." He bit his lip thoughtfully, trying to think of a title that would have a nice ring to it after "fantastic." "The fantastic..." Almost out of oxygen, he collapsed into a simple, "...Ron..." displaying how wonderfully inventive his mind was.

If Hermione Granger had any knowledge of abbreviations, she would have commented that her friend was OOC, but, seeing as this was Hermione we're talking about, her thought process went something like what follows: "Gee, Ron's being an idiot, even more than usual. I wonder if someone put a curse on him to magnify his inherent conceit and overconfidence." She paused, realized Ron was always this weird when talking about chess, and proceeded to wander back to the girls' dorm to think about such intellectual pursuits as how to memorize "Hogwarts, A History" backward in time for tomorrow's pop quiz she had magically acquired knowledge of. 

"I am the Wonderful Weasley," he continued, mildly improving from his previous attempt, "and I will defeat absolutely anyone who has the nerve to challenge me to a game of chess." Harry, sitting a few feet away on a nearby chair, simply shook his head and sighed.  Here _he_ was, trying to think of yet another scheme to defeat the Dark Lord, and Ron was rambling about his chess skills. Harry, not wanting Ron to be too disappointed at his lack of challengers, halfheartedly raised a hand. "Aha! Potter!" 

There was a groan coming from somewhere in the room, whether from tiredness (it was, after all, sometime after three in the morning and the various Gryffindors scattered around the room couldn't help but emit sounds of protest) or from mere exasperation. A lot of people thought Ron had gone insane since being rejected by Hermione in fourth year, and was living in constant denial. Since chess was just about the only thing he was good at, he held these "tournaments" about twice a month to bask in his own superiority.

Easily beating Harry in about four minutes, Ron seemed to be satisfied, and began to lean back into his chair triumphantly and nod off to sleep. Suddenly, commanding from the direction of the portrait hole, came a large and powerful voice.

"I SHALL CHALLENGE YOU, WEASLEY!" And into the light stepped the challenger, the chess master, the competitor who would certainly end Ron's reign as king and make him whimper with the intended humiliation.

A little girl. "Hi!" she remarked, waving to the half-awake students. She couldn't have been more than six, but she was astonishingly cute with straight blonde hair and shiny blue eyes that could burn a hole in the sun. She looked sort of like Gabrielle Delacour, except a thousand times more perfect in every way and without a strange sister like Fleur. "I'm Meredith Susanne!" As she was, as I've mentioned, about six, she had not yet developed a good nickname to shorten this lengthy moniker. No one had a _clue _as to what it could _possibly_ be.

She clambered up into the chair across from Ron's, but gracefully, showing off a row of lovely silver teeth as she smiled. "I hope we both have a lot of fun playing this game, and no hard feelings if you lose, okay?" she squeaked, gazing earnestly into her opponent's eyes. Ron couldn't help but snicker at this tiny child who dared to challenge him, though he didn't pause to ponder why the heck she was at Hogwarts at three in the morning. Her blonde hair turned fire red, and her eyes seethed. "OKAY?!?!" she repeated, fuming at his silence and snicker. He nodded helplessly, and Meredith Susanne morphed back into her normal form.

Thus the game began. It started well (if you consider "well" to be that Ron seemed to be winning), and Meredith Susanne's queen was taken within the first five minutes of the game. She, however, maintained a straight face and her coy childishness, playing recklessly and acting as if she'd never played a game of chess in her life. Which she hadn't, though that was beside the point because Meredith tended to master anything she tried. Suddenly, there were only a few pieces left on the board, most of them Ron's. With a single, deliberate movement, the girl moved a pawn one space and declared, "Checkmate."

Ron gaped at her, his eyes scanning the chessboard to check if this was true. In every direction, his king would be horribly mutilated no matter which way he moved. With a giggle of triumph, Meredith Susanne disapparated (on Hogwarts grounds, mind you), an action Hermione would have protested if she had been in the room. 

Horribly astonished and nearly unable to breathe, he leaned back all the way. His chair then toppled over, sending Ron catapulting onto the ground, whereupon he wasn't seriously injured, but had a slight bruise on his head to add to the humiliation already inflicted on him by the author.

And they all lived happily ever after!

...Except Ron.


	2. Racing Ron

The Humiliation of Ron Weasley - Part 2 - Racing Ron 

By Berty AKA Aduechoirwen

The time was approximately seven AM.  The date was September fifteenth.  The place was near the entrance of the Gryffindor common Room, on the bulletin board.  The event was Alicia Spinnet, Quidditch Team Captain, posting a notice.  The notice read as follows.

Attention all Quidditch players! 

The Gryffindor Quidditch team is looking for a student to take the place of Keeper on the house team. Tryouts will be held on September nineteenth, after dinner, on the Quidditch field.  All hopefuls should be on time.  School brooms will be supplied.

By September nineteenth, half the house was hoping to be on the Quidditch team, including, but not limited to, Colin Creevey, Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Ella Villet, Seamus Finnigan, and, of course, Ronald T. Weasley (The T. stands for something, yes, but that's later).  It should be noted that Hermione Granger had much better things to do, like study, than play on the Quidditch team.

The 'Terrific Trio' left Charms class (A class which Ron was not particularly good in, but that's another story), with spirits high.  Harry was looking forward to running the tryouts, while Ron was hoping to make the team.  Hermione, well, she wasn't so excited, but that's not important right now.

Dinner passed slowly, and after what seemed like an eternity, the tryouts began.

Twenty school brooms were laid out on the grass of the Quidditch stadium.  Several Quaffles had been accumulated in a pile.  Six figures, dressed in scarlet robes stood, waiting for the hopeful team members to arrive.

The tryouts began with a nice, easy drill.  All the hopefuls had to do was pass the Quaffle between themselves and a partner at increasing distances.  Easy enough?

Not for Ron.  Ron grasped his broom handle as he lifted unsteadily into the air.  His partner, Ella Villet, passed him the Quaffle.  Ron dived to his right, in an attempt to catch the Quaffle.  The attempt failed, however, when Ron misjudged the distance to his right, and managed to get hit in the head by the Quaffle.

The second drill involved speed.  The task was to speed around several marked out points in the fastest time, somewhat like Muggle skiing.

Ron hovered about fifteen feet off the ground on the school's shabby Aries 400.  He was fourth in the line.  Then third.  Then only Colin Creevey was before him.  Then it was Ron's turn.

Ron raced to his right.  Ron raced to his left.  Ron… hit a goal post.  He had been trying to curve around the fifth point, when, seemingly out of nowhere, the goal post appeared.  He had no time to stop, and soon, he was trying to maneuver his damaged broom to the ground.

The third and final drill was next.  This drill was most like what a Keeper actually did.  The hopeful would float in front of the goal posts, while the three Chasers would try to score a goal.

Finally, after the agonizing minutes of waiting, it was Ron's turn.  Ron flew up to the Keeper area.  Katie Bell hovered twenty feet away.  Katie shot the Quaffle.  Ron missed.  Katie shot the Quaffle.  Ron missed.  Katie shot the Quaffle.  Ron shot to his left, determined to make the save.  He missed by inches, but the position he had been in to make the save was not particularly balanced.  

Ron fell, down, down, down.  The fall seemed to take ages.  He hit the dirt.  Hard.  

Ron woke up two days later in the Hospital Wing.  He had broken several bones, and managed to give himself a bad concussion.

Ron left the hospital wing the next day.  The entire House seemed to hear of Ron's injury and all of what had happened at tryouts.  It was also discovered, much to Ron's dismay that the middle initial 'T' stood for Thaddeus.

(If the reader is wondering who _did_ become keeper, it was none other than the almost-squib Neville Longbottom.)


	3. The Valiant Ron

The Humiliation of Ron Weasley – Part 3 – The Valiant Ron 

By Sparrow AKA HobbitatHeart

It must be noted, at this point, that Ron Weasley was never a particularly talented wizard. He came from a nice family, true, was heir to some of the finest sorcerers of all time, and, though he didn't know it at the age of 15, would eventually be the brother and brother-in-law respectively of George and Hermione Weasley, the co-founders of a great wizarding school off the coast of Florida. (All this, of course, is beside the point entirely and has no relevance to the story, but was a sneaky way to add one of the author's favourite couples into an otherwise unrelated tale).

Anyhow, going back to the "plot", Ron had much the same amount of talent as Neville, though no aptitude for Herbology, and so quite a bit less skill than the previously mentioned Longbottom. He had a better chance of being struck by lightning twice while eating jellybeans and singing a Britney Spears song and then diving into a vat of melted chocolate than defeating a powerful dark wizard, which isn't to say he didn't try. The second part, not the jellybean thing.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-But-Will-Be-Anyway-Because-This-Is-A-Fanfic-And-Thus-Even-The-Most-Supersitious-Characters-Are-Allowed-To-Say-Voldemort had wandered somewhere outside Hogwarts grounds and was living quite comfortably amidst his unicorn pals in a small house in the Forbidden Forest. As Hagrid was under the impression he was an animal of some kind, Old Voldie was well fed by eating dead blast-ended skrewts and enjoyed life to a certain degree. Then that pesky Potter kid came along.

Harry had good intentions; he'd kill the Dark Lord, save the world, and all that other stuff Harry tends to do. He had his wand, a nice encyclopedia of curses memorized, and lots of bravery. Though Dumbledore could have eliminated Voldemort sufficiently by himself, he sent Harry into the forest all alone in the middle of the night anyway, because he was secretly evil and sinister as well as quite old and tired. But the Valiant Ron (his nickname yet again improved from the "Wonderful Weasley" of the first chapter) refused to let his friend go in there and kill himself. It would follow, due to Ron's limited thought process, that _he_ would join Harry and get them both killed.

And thus the boys took the invisibility cloak, a very nifty accessory, and crept into the Forbidden Forest and toward obvious doom. I know what you're thinking: "_Harry_ would be smarter than that. _Harry_ would leave Ron behind, get someone who actually knew what they were doing, and _then_ venture forward." However, Harry was a tiny bit dense, though not so much as his redheaded comrade, and besides that didn't have any other close friends except for Hermione, whom both boys forgot about the existence of the great majority of the time.

That-Evil-Guy-Who-Has-Many-Names leapt theatrically from behind a tree, though he didn't actually see his currently invisible enemies. It is a well known fact that Tom Marvolo Riddle the Second had always wanted to be in musical theatre rather than that boring being wicked thing, but didn't have the talent, so he often jumped out from behind trees and sung random bits of cruelty to help pursue his dream. Ron, in an action some would characterize as courageous and some as stupid (for the sake of the story, we'll take the last one), threw off the invisibility cloak with equal dramatic fervor and drew out his wand.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" the witless Weasley exclaimed, as this was the only spell he knew by heart with absolute certainty. Unfortunately, as it has been mentioned he lacks talent when it comes to that sort of thing, he mispronounced it, much the same way as his movie alter ego played by Rupert Grint. Thus, instead of lifting Voldemort off the ground, which would have been rather useless anyway, his "Wingardium Levi-oh-saw" made the already scary-looking wizard in front him grow taller, stronger, and scarier. Why this happened, exactly, is a fact unknown to all, except maybe Hermione, who would have been a heck of a lot more useful in this sort of situation.

The exceedingly frightening Wizard-Who-Has-More-Talent-And-Evilness-Than-Certain-People drew out his wand and murmured a dark spell that sounded something like a strange variation on the word "idiot" and directed the curse toward Ron. Suddenly, in the spot where the boy who was not the Boy Who Lived had stood, there was a beautiful bouquet of roses. Voldemort lifted the flowers off the ground and presented them to Harry. "I know I've tried to kill you about a million times and made you an orphan and stuff," admitted He-Who-Has-Been-Named-In-Multiple-Ways, "but I'm really and truly sorry about all that and I want to start all over again." He smiled, a particularly unpleasant gesture to watch. "Friends?" 

Harry took the flowers, grinned, and skipped back to Hogwarts with Voldemort, who was immediately forgiven for all his crimes by everyone and was Harry's best friend for the rest of time. The Weasleys never noticed they had one less child, and no one thought to comment about the way the bouquet of flowers often screamed in misery from time to time. 

All in all, they all lived happily ever after.

...Except Ron.


End file.
